"Alright, alright, one more story. But not until you sit down. And be quiet, I can't concentrate. So you want to hear about the wooden stake, do you? Yes, that's a strange tale. Don't rush me, boy; no patience these days. Needless to say, the humans were frantic to get rid of these so-called 'vampires'. They kept scheming and plotting, then they'd get drunk and screw up their plans. Haha! And, being humans, they never like to admit when they've made mistakes. So, instead of trying their plans again while they were sober, they just assumed that whatever method it was wouldn't kill vampires. They even tried to find where they hide in the day, never knowing that it was the elves they were after. Of course, the elves used this to their advantage. Some even ran into a cemetery once and disturbed the dirt on the graves. Now the humans think they're being hunted by their own dead! Ha! But I'm digressing..."

Shrevtek grumbled in mock dismay. The reason stood behind him with a sunny smile and a vicious comb. Ceradine had insisted on trying to tame his shaggy black locks and when she insisted.... Shrevtek was smart enough to let her have her way. In fact, he really didn't mind. Sitting like this he could smell that faint flowery scent that always clung to her. And if he looked up he could see her breasts threatening to spill out of their confines... "You are so obvious", Ceradine sighed with a smile. Shrevtek cursed softly. He was surely the only man on Earth who blushed at the sight of his own wife. Ceradine leaned forward, pressing her soft body against his back. She leaned close to his ear, her eyes dancing. "Do you know why I love you?", she asked in a seductive whisper. Shrevtek could only shake his head silently. "Because after all these years, I'm still the woman you want, not the one you got stuck with." Shrevtek turned around just enough to pull her into his lap. She lay her head against his chest and he nuzzled her soft, chestnut ringlets. "I don't just want you, I love you. And need you." It was the truth. Even though she often confused him in more ways than one and enjoyed teasing him at every opportunity, he wouldn't give up a single moment of his time with her for anything in the world. "Promise me you'll always look at me the way you do now." He tilted her chin so that their eyes met. He smiled gently and leaned forward to kiss her. "Always", he promised

That night was not the hunt. Still, watching the humans was amusing, so they decided to stroll around the human city near them. Their ears weren't really as large as most people thought, so two stout cloaks kept anybody from noticing them. But they still were watchful. Often they heard interesting 'vampire' rumors on these excursions. Knowing what people feared about them made them better hunters. So they paid attention. Still, they never expected to hear what they heard. It was a group of men; young, clean shaven men with well kept weapons. Ceradine was positive that they were not native to they city and even more positive that they weren't merely travelers just passing through. As usual, she was right. The two elves followed the men to a dilapidated old farm. They hid behind some trees while the men entered then followed to sit under a window of the farmhouse. The men weren't travelers... they were professional hunters. They had been hired by the mayor to stalk and kill all vampires. Normally, the thought would be a joke, but paid professionals were nothing to laugh at. It was obvious the elves would not be able to count on them being drunk when they encountered the 'vampires'. They needed a plan. Shrevtek looked toward Ceradine and was glad to see a small smirk forming on her lips. She had an idea. Gods, she had a sexy mouth. Just then Ceradine noticed him looking and winked and licked her upper lip. Such a tease.

Shrevtek was anxious the entire trip home. Ceradine seemed serene, almost joyful, but she still hadn't mentioned anything about her plan. "I'll tell you, but be patient, dear heart. There may be unwanted guests here. I'll explain how we will defeat these hunters and then we will celebrate. So you'd better save your energy." Ceradine stroke his cheek and smiled. Shrevtek simply stared at her. Was he truly that predictable? And how did she manage to distract him so easily? Already his mind was focused on just how they should celebrate... A soft giggle interrupted his thoughts and he blushed. He may as well write his every thought in a book; he could hide nothing from Ceradine. Even so, he smiled and drew her closer to him. Perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing. "Tell me what I'm thinking now", he growled with a wolfish grin. Ceradine laughed and quickened her pace. "I think we'd better hurry before you start celebrating right here."

Shrevtek was trying not to laugh. He hoped he was succeeding better than he thought. Ceradine had, as usual, come up with the most amusing solution possible. Ceradine poked him in the side, then giggled as she remembered the chain mail beneath his shirt. That was the most important part of the plan. Well, not counting Ceradine's role. Ceradine wore a tight fitting blue gown with a low cut bodice that she was constantly adjusting. With every adjustment Shrevtek had to force his arms to stay at his sides. And each time he thought of reaching for her she laughed and promised him she'd let him take the dress off her later. Shrevtek sighed heavily. Later seemed to take a long time coming... "It begins now", she whispered before letting out an ear piercing scream. This was the part Shrevtek enjoyed most. He grabbed her around the waist and tilted her head to the side. He gently pricked the skin on her neck with his teeth. He was to simulate an attack on Ceradine who was, of course, the innocent maiden. He wondered if she knew he had thought of this before. The thought of her warm body against his as he drank her sweet blood was arousing, to say the least. Footsteps thundered closer. The hunters had arrived; the act had begun.

Shrevtek grinned and gently pushed Ceradine aside. She, of course, made a big production of falling upon the ground. There were two hunters, each equipped with a long dagger. Shrevtek. rushed the one to the left, leaving his back open to attack. As they expected, the second hunter attacked from behind. Shrevtek cried out in mock pain and threw the hunter off his back. The hunters' eyes widened in shock. They obviously hadn't believed the rumors about monsters who could not be hurt with ordinary weapons. Ceradine grabbed a shattered wooden plank from a broken barrel nearby. The barrel had been put there for just this purpose, but there was no way for the humans to know this. Pretending to notice Ceradine again for the first time, he lifted her by the waist and prepared to bite her again. He wished he could; he blood truly was sweet. Just as he pressed his lips to her throat, she 'stabbed' through a strange little pocket she had paid a metalsmith to put on the chain mail shirt. The wooden shard appeared to be lodged into his heart. Shrevtek howled loudly and ran toward the woods. He dropped the plank into a pile of ash then jumped in a nearby chair to await the humans. The humans mistook that little pile of ash for a dead vampire and went to collect their pay. Of course they told the story of how they had the ingenious idea of using the wooden stake.. The plan had worked just as they expected, for a change. Well, almost. Who would have thought that Ceradine would also be aroused by Shrevtek's vampire act tonight? She even decided to try it on him, much to his surprise... and delight.

"Why a wooden stake? Tell me this, what's easier to deflect, a stick or a blade? The stick, of course! If humans would only attack them with an inferior wooden stake, then the elves were much more likely to be successful. Not all humans are drunk all the time, but most remain gullible all the time. They see what they want to and believe what they see. They saw a vampire killed with a wooden stake. So that's how it started, now good night."